from potty training to chianti. the glamerous life of danielle smith.

One good thing about being trained to cater large groups of people is that the holiday feels like "not such a big deal"...the only problem is, to actually deal with this large group of people, i'm going to have to consume a large amount of alcohol for a week straight....then again, that's not such a bad thing.
admitedly though, things are slightly chaotic around here, getting snowed in is fun, except when you actually have things to do and places to be. of course i am behind schedule as we speak. i have not started the cranberry sauce, or the herb topped biscuits, nor the cornbread, and other confections i was planning on making and freezing. however, not all is lost, because i'll just have to do all that crap on friday....which means, laundry, grocery shopping (with a list of over 100 items), scrubbing the house, decorating my parents basement for alejandro's first birthday party (2), creating a three tier cake (with sugar cookie swimming fish and sailboat), baking all the favors, putting favors together, starting the desserts for christmas dinner, folding laundry, finishing my christmas shopping, planning my menu for the week, fighting the crowds at the post office, and to top it all off i still haven't put up the curtains in the dinning room, my scrapbook table, still haven't finished rearranging the bedroom, organizing the linen closet or the cabinets in the bathroom, i still haven't put together john's birthday present (either part) nor have i put together the baby's power wheels....and that's just friday! saturday we have to go pick tim up from the airport, go back to the house, do the whole first birthday party thing, do more christmas cooking after lugging all the birthday presents home, hopefully sleep...sunday, john's parents come in, church that morning, then a nice dinner with them...maybe at my mom's....monday is ikea for a few last minute christmas gifts and the mall, then possibly some home time with the parents, midnight mass, tuesday is christmas (duh) breakfast at our place, then over to my parents to open presents, lunch, socializing, dinner, then sleep...yay! wednesday is shots for the baby then ice skating, thursday we have to go to the university hospital to get his legs checked out and get xrays done, i haven't planned that days' activities yet, john's parents leave...thursday i think. friday we have to go shopping for new years stuff...i'm pretty sure my parents are throwin the party this year...and from there i'm pretty sure it calms down...i think...i still have to finish my orders too, now i'm cutting it really close! ahhhhh!!!!!!! the drink for this month will be da'vinci chianti....for sure.
other then my chaotic schedule things are going great, the baby is doing well potty training, i tried to convert his bed to a toddler bed, but that's not working as well as i hoped it would, especially when he wakes up at 1am when i've slipped out to smoke a cig and he starts freaking out cuz he can't find me in the house...yeaaa... i'm excited that tim will be here for almost two weeks, and i'm excited that john is happy about his parent's finally getting to see the baby. plus john will be here for a week long vacation! which is probably the most time we've spent together in over a year! i'm happy, but i know by day two with all the stress i'll probably hate him, visciously. lol.
i'm dreaming of opening a small dessert shop when i move to florida....
ps
i bought john the coolest sony ericson walkman phone for christmas. it's great, you can watch tv, movies, listen to the radio, use it as a mp3 player, lots of good stuff...why you would do any of that crap (other then the mp3 player) from your phone and watch that tiny ass screne is beyond me, but hell, it's a cool phone.

tired.

i haven't slept a good night's sleep in almost two weeks. my entire body aches. no amount of makeup can hide the LV sized bags under my eyes. i have to go back to the hospital because alejandro's braces are giving his feet blisters. i HAVE to be done with my scrapbooks by this sunday. john will not be home this weekend=two weeks without him. alejandro is on the verge of becoming sick. he has woken up every night for the past two weeks atleast every couple of hours then waking again at 8 when he just fell asleep at 630.
i'm on the verge of insanity. three weeks of this by myself is killing me. there are still so many things i have to do, so much i have to buy, so much i have to figure out. i don't know how i'm going to make it happen. i catch up, and i fall backward. i wonder if you can die from insomnia.... let's see...
there was a fire in the building in front of ours.
my father is 99.99% likely that he has diabetes and something wrong with his kidneys....
uhm, john still hasn't recieved his letter.
my nonexistant sex life sucks
and i'm almost out of cigarettes.
hmm. yea that's about it.
i'm done now.

alejandro, new gap model?

tomorrow is the voting date for the gap casting call! http://kodak.eprize.net/gapcastingcall/index.tbapp it's either under alejandro smith or quitobandito@msn.com

i should be cleaning right now...

but, i'm going to make some regular pancakes for me, and some baby pancakes (just add whole grain baby cereal to the mix and some baby applesauce) for alejandro, then we're going to take a bubble bath...and then maybe we'll clean. we have to go to the airport later on today. my cusion melinda is coming up to visit until sunday and john and i are going to pick her up.

other news

saturday my parents are having a foreign beer party so we're going to that, but i don't like beer....so i guess john will be the drinker that night. otherwise not too much is going on. i started my mom's scrapbook (finally) and i did the first LO out of a old navy bag. i think it came out pretty cute. well hope everyone is doing well. have a good weekend!

so i noticed...

that i don't actually have any evidence on here that i scrap...

so here for your enjoyment are some pages.yay!
*does a little dance*

ok, so it's a crap photo, and it's an older page i made, but i haven't scanned any of my new layouts... god, if anyone has used that paper with all the flowers before let me know which company it is... for the life of me i cannot remember , plus i bought the paper in january or some other month that ends with y....

the plaid and the paper that borders the white is from a bulk set.....which i tore the cover off, so i don't know who makes that either lol. i'm on a roll.

anyway, i'll try to get my lazy butt up and get some more pics together.

bye byes!

my life. my career.

the problem really is here that i have neither. i'd love to scrapbook for a living but i don't know where to start, and having your own company is not a steady pay check. one month i do great, another month i have no orders. i need something steady. i need to know how to get a job with a scrap company or magazine, or anything scrap-related!!! help?

forgot to mention!

i TOTALLY forgot to mention something very very important.

well, john and i have been together going on 2 1/2 years now, and the entire time john promised that he would buy me a house and we would live the white picket fenced life....

now, i know things seem like a long time coming, and it has, and life has it's way of getting in the way, but with this new job coming up in florida things will finally be going right, AND john is buying me a house AND i also get my own personal scappers oasis where i can work and expand my business. so i've been doing some serious planning on the house, flooring, painting, the whole shabang, but i've also been putting a ton of effort into my scrapping room. john said i can have anything i want....and i deffinitly don't doubt him, when we moved into our apartment, he said i could have any furniture i wanted. we went to ikea and 3 day trips later i had everything my little heart desired. that's one great thing about john. when he makes a promise he will do his damnest to follow through with it.

anyway, back to my scappers oasis.

since i'll have an entire room to myself i'll need some furniture, since at the moment i'm scrapping out a toy storage unit, and some tupperware containers and a few boxes.

i haven't decided on colors yet, but i'm thinking a royal purple would be nice (just a racing stripe through the center of the egg shell white walls....) but i'm not quite sure....here is some furniture that i've found that i think would work great storage wise, and would also look good since i will have clients in and out of the room.

cheap costumes, department store trick or treating and sugar rushes...ahh halloween.

i haven't written in a while, and that's because i've been on hiatus. i'm trying to clear my scrapping and writing phyci (spelling?) and so far it hasn't been working, so i'm just going to update you on life as i know it anyway.
well, today we went to walmart for a costume contest, we got there about a minute late, and they were already judging alejandro's age group. i wasn't too concerned, i mean they are handing out 15 dollar gift cards for christ sake. alejandro's costume cost me more then that. what pissed me off, however, was the look one of the associates gave my mother when she called his name (he was a judge, and my mom works at walmart btw). it was one of those, what? i know you so you expect me to choose your grandkid? looks. that wasn't the point, it was just to acknowledge that he was there....it's a fucking kid's costume contest they dont' know the damn difference, don't blow him off though like you're fucking god. anyway. i'm ranting about someone that is not worth the effort, but on one last bitchy note i'd like to say that he smells, he sweats miserably, he needs to buy clothes in his size, he needs to stop thinking he's god's gift to women, needs to stop flirting with woman, and playing favorites with the one who do and treat the one's who don't like shit.....it's noone else's fault but he's own that he married an ugly old dutch boy looking fat ass and had two retard kids who need a good boot up their ass. god didn't make your wife an alcoholic and you shouldn't blame him for letting your wife drink during her pregnancy and now your kid sees everything upside down. oh, and i hope that bitch did come out pregnant with your kid and you get fired for fratenization and you go to court for not taking that girl's sexual harrasment chargest seriously, and you get in trouble for being too close to that other dumb bitch.ok i'm done.
ANNNNEEEEEEEEEEEWAAAAAAAY....
we did a little pretrick or treating around walmart, after about 20-30 minutes he looked beat so we left. when we got home, i made a stupid decision to let him have an m and m and one piece of a fruit gummy. how was i to know that for a kid that's never had candy before this would be the
equivilant to giving him the keys to willy wonka's chocolate factory? after 30 minutes of pure bouncing around throwing him self about and biting me (yea, he's a viscious one) i finally got tired of it, stuck him in his crib gave him a bottle and walked into the living room. five minutes later he was out (thank god). i don't have to be hit over the head twice to learn my lesson so he's not getting any candy tomorrow. we're still going trick or treating, but i'll be damned if he sees any riches from his trotting around town. he won't know the difference. i'll just let john get to the bucket when he gets home and give the rest to the kids.
in other news, not much has been going on. i shaved my head cuz my hair was falling out like a cancer patient's (due to stress). and things have been rough around here. we're hoping to get john's letter in the mail any day now. things have to get better when there is no going any lower. i know i just have to be patient and something good will occur. i know my life is meant for more. i'm going to get my break with my writing or scrapbooking, or a break in general. i can't be mediocore. i can't live my life going from one shit job to the next. i've always aspired for big things. i can't sit around and let someone else succeed while my life amounts to minimum wage like my mother did for my father. maybe it's sucess when you support someone enough to let them follow their dreams and sacrifice your own for their benifit, and yea the pay off is my mother will retire stinkin rich, and she's living cozy now, but i don't want that type of sucess...i'm greedy, i want my own success...i want my own five minutes in the sun...i don't want to go to bed tired from too many jobs, my hands smelling like bleach, my mind spinning on all the things i could have been. i don't want to give up who i am, and i don't think i should have to...
one day at a time. i'm going to get a break. i know it.
i have the drive.
it's just a matter of waiting to see if anyone else notices it.

blast from the past.

Hello all,
Well…let’s see what’s been going on…
The baby is well, but now I’m the one that looks like she should be hooked up to an IV it’s all gravy though, I don’t feel as bad as I look which I guess is a plus.
Far as packing goes, half of my kitchen is officially packed! Everything I don’t use on a regular basis is stored away, most of the living room is packed, and I’ve yet to start on either the bedroom or bathroom. There really isn’t much bedroom wise, we don’t even have a dresser (big closet) so when we buy our house in Florida our bedroom is going to be kinda…empty.
John and I have already sat down and have had a serious discussion of how we are going to design our first home (we’re an old fart couple I swear). A part of me doesn’t want to do anything to the house really except add some paint because I know we’ll be moving again, but another party of me is saying “go for it Danielle! It’s your FIRST house together! Do what you want! At least you’ll have the memories!”
I don’t know if we should just wait till we buy a home we’re going to settle in, or what, but that could be years away from now.
In other news, I hate working, but it seems as if that may be the plan when we move. I was thinking I could do that, or I could just continue scrap to order and maybe start my own line of embellishments…what do you think? I was thinking of doing flowers…different types…paper, wood, material, felt button, I don’t know yet, any ideas ladies?
Otherwise there is no new news…still planning our wedding as if it’s going to happen, which at this point I don’t see why not, but hopeful thinking is not always the best thing to lean on. If we do have it, we’ll be depending on the money we save within that year, because income tax and the money we have saved up is gone. Trying to keep it DIY that way I can cut on cost, still in Puerto Rico :le sigh: .
Well, I smelly the smelly smell of something that smells, and his name is Alejandro.
Chaio

smashbox primer. go buy some.

jinxed much?

so i feel sorta bad. i got into it with my dad yesterday over the baby, only to have to go to the dr.'s office anyway. the baby has strep throat now. i don't know what the hell is wrong with him...it's like one thing after another. first it was pneumonia, but his pediatrician said he didn't have it, and it was just a stomach virus....and he got over that yesterday, only to get a strep throat while he was recovering from the virus. i am up to my head in stress. my hair keeps falling out and i am just an utter crap-0la looking wreck.
i need a vacation from my life
haha

refunds

suck ass



my hero^

मय

this entire week he's been acting odd, sleeping without a fight, sleeping excessively, being a little too whiny, crying for no apparent reason.
so today i feel him after a particularly long cry, and he feels a bit warm. so i take his temperature and it's 99.9, i wait about half an hour later or so, and take his temperature again. I look at it, shake my head, "that's gotta be wrong", i take it again, yup 102.6
i get the shakes, and two minutes later my mother is over saying, don't panic it's OK, we'll just take him to the emergency room. MY BABY, my sweet little (sometimes a big pain in the ass) gorgeous baby is sick! of course i start thinking about what i did wrong, what i didn't do, as my mother walks over to the bathroom, tips him a little bit over the sink, and lets him vomit like the exorcist incarnate. twice mind you. how she knew, i'll never know.
so after throwing on some decent clothing, putting my hair in a horrible rushed bun (and a hat for good measure) we're out the door.
off topic, but i hate hospitals, always have always will and i avoid them at all possible cost.
we sign in, not even a minute later we're called in, and he's acting normal and curious and completely fine. one throat culture, nose swab, chest x-ray, and blood test later we find out he has a pneumonia in his right lung....

thankfully it didn't spread to both, but that put me in a low mood. i know, i know, sickness is unavoidable in children, they are bound to get sick eventually, but that doesn't mean i can't feel shitty about it. anyway. by this time he hates me, and after he gives me the dirtiest look i've ever seen and refuses to go with me, my heartbroke 100x more then any man has ever done. so i sat quietly, and held him down quietly (again) when the nurse came in with his antibiotic shot...which honestly i was a little grateful for. it hurt him pretty bad, so mommy was just what the Dr ordered after a minute or two. i gave him his pacifier, sang a sesame street song out of tune, and he fell asleep in my arms.

he has to be on antibiotics for a while, but he's fine and everything is going to be ok. we were suppose to go see his orthopedic Dr for his club foot tomorrow, but i don't want to take him out in the cold, and i want to follow up with his pediatrician anyway.

i think what made the situation even more shitty was the fact that i was just irritable today. i woke up feeling crappy myself and was about as cranky as him.
i know i was sharp with him, and i know i didn't know, but still it's kinda like getting into an argument with someone then finding out they died the next hour or something. ok, so it's not that extreme but you get my point.
it's been one hell of a day...didn't get any of my work done, spent all day in the hospital, and i still feel like shit. god please make this week go by faster!!!! i need john home so i can at least rest for a few hours, or i can at least have someone help me wash a dish or two. i can't wait till he's home every night, and not 6days a month

hiDEEho

well, it's been a tiring week. the week i spent in nyc truly threw off my schedule and i am super behind. i have one book almost done, one book...worked on...and one book...well, we just won't go there.
sometimes i wonder how i do it all, i need some ADD meds, that would get me all zippy like lol. Today is the battle of the bands for Kasey's school, fun times, taking the baby so that should be interesting. things are looking up. i have these three orders I'm turning in on Friday (completely forgot that i can't give it to her on Thursday because i have to take the baby to his orthopedic Dr.) so that gives me an extra day to finish up, and then i have 1 definite order, and one maybe order that may become definite come Monday, but i have to wait to find out. hopefully. anyway, no new news really. Alejandro is sleeping, getting big, I'm working on his alphabet with him, and potty training. i know it's a little early to be potty training, but he's actually taking a liking to the toilet, and that's what i want so it's easier to train him "for real for real" when he's older.
OK enough for now
i have to shower and get ready to go to this thingy.

PS
how cool is this?

quick update

it's 730 am so i have to make this fast before i have to go and start my day.
i have a great challenge going on at SIS go check it out!
in other news, i am so behind...i have three scrapbooks due this coming thursday and i'm not done with one of them! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! this is going to be one hell of a week....
well today we have to run to the post office to return ALL of alejandro's christmas presents from oompa because well...they just suck, then we have to run to the bank to put his savings account in his name before they starting eating away at his college fund, then it's off to old navy to exchange his lion costume...and from there i'm not quite sure. i wanted to get the house cleaned up before we left, but it's either take a shower, or clean house, and everything closes super early on saturdays here, so i should be getting off like NOW. ok, i'll write something worth reading later, here's a picture to entertain you.

so i finally did it...

i finally started on alejandro's scrapbook (for real this time), and i did the most horrible thing to myself...
i don't know why i even started, but i'm stiching practically the entire page...
it's taken me a day and a half now...this is starting to get ridiculous...and the page doesn't even look how i wanted yet!

and to top it off...i bent the top...clumsy me :(
i wish i had some sort of cricut machine...i wish i had more stuff then i have now, BUT put wishes in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up faster right?
i know everyone is planning on getting me the cricut for christmas...mom won't tell me what she's getting which is not normal, and john is like uhm...i need more then 200 dollars for christmas this year!

so it's a little obvious, but i hope they talk to eachother or i'll have two of them.
which wouldn't bother me, but that would be a waist.
tomorrow we are going to old navy to exchange the baby's lion costume.
it looks super cute but it's too small. plus he looks alot better in it then the stupid model lol.

we had a picnic today. read a few books, had some grub, my mom came over helped me clean the house and organize my scrapbooks stuff and well...that's about it. i did my hair for john but it's all sorts of flat by now and my makeup is starting to smudge since it is almost 6am in the morning.i think i'm going to smoke then start on some breakfast for him. ttfn
>_<

juicylicious....don't ask.

Apparently to my brain, lack of sleep, combined with the knowledge I will inevitably wake up early in the morning, equals weird fucking dreams.
Everything is very vague now and I can’t quiet follow, but Anna Nicole was in my dream. At one point I was an animated character, riding a stork, that was carrying a baby, inside a video game….I went to a party where I was being quite flirtatious and close to my ex-husband, but even in my dream I still looked uncomfortable. It looked like I was looking for something, and I was still with john so I was trying not to be seen with his arm around me so forth. What else? There was murder, there was a court house, and a woman being sued for bringing a bottle of whine. I don’t recall much else. I don’t think I need to, these details make it weird enough.
So there is a little look into my dreams. And this was over a 5 hour period (give or take), because that’s how long I slept last night. Yes, my dreams are always that intricate and that long. Lord only knows how I remember most of it, so many things happen in a span of time.

moving on.

I received the kitchen I ordered for the baby for Christmas and was quite disappointed. For $89 dollars I received a 17 inch kitchen supposedly for ages 3 and up. I guess you’re suppose to put the kitchen on a counter and let him play with it from there…and then I ordered extra food to go with it, too bad it’s the size of dollhouse food. The extra milk and juice box I ordered? I’ve seen hot wheel cars bigger then that. Very pissed and am never ordering from Oompa toys ever again. I’ve been so excited these past two weeks! We’ve been planning-wait, let me correct that…I’VE been planning Christmas for months, and unfortunately for john his Christmas list keeps getting bigger and bigger. I know he won’t remember this Christmas most likely. But, he’s going to be one this Christmas, and it is his first “real” Christmas where he gets to rip off wrapping paper, and go to town, and get all bug eyed from the amount of presents under the tree. Well, after that little ordeal I started researching play kitchens (and looking at the dimensions more closely), and apparently the market for a toy kitchen is much larger then I expected it to be…
There are so many kitchens with different bells and whistles, activities, voice commands and so forth. I just want a good quality kitchen! At first I wanted something that taught him his colors and so forth, but then I thought about it, and it’s like…I should be doing that! Not a damn toy! I mean it’s an easier way, and more convenient way to get kids to learn things without them knowing they are actually learning, but I’m a stay at home mom! I can make the time to teach him his colors. Hell, I have the time to write this entry right? So now I’m researching how to build your own kitchen. I’m handy, and it would be nice if my father and john and the kids (and maybe my mom) worked on it all together to build one superhellakitchen, plus it’ll be cheaper, and at least I will know how to work the damn thing.
In other news I’ve been scrap booking like crazy. I have until oct 4th to finish three scrapbooks….yea, not so fun. Ok I have to go before my little monster seriously injures himself.

so about my absence....

i didn't enjoy most of my week in ny to say the least but it did have it's up points. i spent alot of time walking and avoiding being in the apartment.
an especially large amount of time thinking about my life and what it exactly means to be 22 (which i've concluded it means absolutely nothing except that i'm a year older now and i never want to live in the city)

i've missed home though and i'm glad to be back....it's deffinitly the little things in life that your family can give you and i am forever grateful for them (and milady for taking me to the club, titi elsie for the 100 dollar gift card to sephora, and anna, cathy, and alaura for the great gifts)

the week ended in tears, i won't go into details, but i will say i'm sufficiently tired of the city and i know now that some people will never change and know now, i'm not one to sit stay and play dead like a dog.

my all time favorite moment from my birthday:

cathy: i can't believe you're a mom

me: why?

cathy: you're not fat, your pretty, you're not a bitch....

me: it's ok, you can continue.

lol

i've completly forgotten how to spend money on myself which is odd, because it's something i use to be really good at. other then using my gift card, my money went to a new coat for alejandro, cab fares and food. that's it. amazing i know. looks like our location is being changed again and we'll be ending up in florida, i don't know how soon, and i'm not sure what the hell we're going to do...i have christmas presents, birthday presents, a birthday party, christmas dinner, and a wedding to plan. if we move any time soon, i won't have any money for anything....why is it always one thing after another? lol....i know that that if we make this move we will be much better then before...
oh! i wanted to ask if anyone has recently bought my book, because get this my publisher said i only sold one book and sent me a check for two dollars, and i know for a FACT i sold more then that....i don't want to get jipped, but i want to make sure i have all my facts together before i take action against the situation
thank you to all who left me a birthday message, and adios for now.

oh yeah, yesterday....i found a bat in my toliet....how weird is that? i was afraid to pee in it for a while cuz i flushed it down and was afraid some zombie bat was going to jump out of the pipes and bite my butt while i peed.....


birthday cake and ice cream


what i want for my birthday

i didn't fall off the face of the earth

i know it seems as if i haven't written in a while, which is true, but to explain myself, i have been on the road with john for a week, and on top of that i have been one busy little bee....

i should be sleeping as of now, i have an early day ahead of me, mof it starts in a few hours but i figured i would write before i conked out.

my week with john was nice. it was odd spending time with my husband like normal people get to do, but overall i think it was worth it and we got to bond (which is code for have lotts of sex without child interuption).

so my 21st (with one year experience) birthday is coming up and i'm less then thrilled. possibly my standards are impossibly high, or i'm just unable to become fulfilled with whatever accomplishments i create (god i'm more like my father then i know) but i'm dissapointed that i've gotten this far without doing something incredibly stupid to get myself killed and have nothing to show for it....

ok ok...i am only 22 and i own my own business, yes, i know, and i have published my own book...and i have a husband and a gorgeous son and blah blah blah, but i figured by now i'd ATLEAST have a pulitzers or peace prize under my belt...and i do i? nope (ha, ha)

well....i guess that just means i'll have to work harder....

everyone keeps asking what i want and they are being rather sneeky to my annoyance since i'm not really adapted to the whole, surprise thing...john has been saving money to get me a present, but he's clueless, so he told me. my mother, i don't know what the woman is up to, and now my cusion tells me she's coming up for labor day, which is odd, when they have had many opportunity, yet haven't, and now all of a sudden they are visting. my mother is up to something as well, i just can't quite put my finger on it. i hope it isn't a suprise party....or a surprise period... when i was younger i would build myself up only to be let down.

besides, i don't need anything...all that doting and excessive attention and cooing makes me feel weird....

i've wanted the same thing every year since i was 16.... a bottle of (red) aleze, chinese food (shrimp and brocolli), and peace and quite for atleast an hour...

i don't think that's much to ask for, but i never get it lol. (i got a 6000 dollar sweet 16 instead, attention? yea, can you say claustraphobia??) anyway, here's a wedding invitation sample i made to let you know i'm still actually working, i have a few layouts, but i'm lazy and can't find the camera cord. so enjoy <3>

i like this, simple, yet sophisticated, printer is on the fritz, so now wording samples....

www.babystepsscrapbooking.com

STOP FEMICIDE!!!

full article
REPOST PLEASE
TENS OF THOUSANDS of women are raped EVERY YEAR in the democratic republic of the Congo. rape is used as a tool of war.it is disgusting and should be stopped!the female race in congo is litteraly in jeopardy of extinction...i have been raped before and i know what it feels like, but i don't know what it feels like to get raped in front of my child, my husband, my neighbors...to be raped with tools and guns...to have a gun go off inside of me destroying me beyond belief..hundreds of thousands of women have been raped since 1996,children as young as 6, women as old as 80, no woman or child is safe.. but there is something we can do about it.*write a letter addressed to his excellency, the president of the democratic repulic of the congo, joseph kaila kabange; demand that he take action to stop the attacks on woman! send it to the u.n. action against sexual violence in conflict, p.o. box 3862, new york ny10163 and it will be delivered to kabilaor you can*donate directly to panzi hospital through vday.org(money donated to the panzi also goes to establish a "city of joy", a safe haven for those have healed, where they will learn to become political leaders)thank youDanni

my god...

it's extremly hot
i'm out of cigs
i can't sleep
life can get no better

my condolences to the wright family

my condolences to the wright family
my friend carrie wright who is a great woman and an even better friend lost her father yesterday. i know this is very hard on her family to lose a person that is very close to her heart and a good man. please pray for her family in their time of need.

To find the proper words is so difficult and at a time like this words seem so inadequate, so incomplete.
But I am reminded again that what we need at a time like this is revelation, not just words.
We need something that speaks of certainties, not just hopes.
We need something that speaks with authority.
We need something that provides true comfort and gives something and someone to believe in—to trust as we go on from here.
We need more than sincere expressions of sympathy and concern (as wonderful as they are) in a time of sorrow and death

Psalm 23:1-6
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. (KJV)2
Corinthians 4:16-15:8
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.amenlove you carrie

so i'm back, surprisingly....

mind you it's 439 am and my son is "whining" for his crib, he's been up for a good hour or so now is changed, feed, and has been held for half an hour, and the way things work in my house.... this is suppose to be mommy time. mommy also hasn't gotten laid in two weeks so mommy is sucking on cigs like they're her best friend.

i tried that whole self soothing crap for a little while and i'm convinced that those same marsha brady mommies who gently patted their backs, and tiptoed out of the room to a screaming son also starred in valley of the dolls.

in other news, because i'm absolutely sick of places like cafemom.com and other websites who totally emcompass what i hate about america's idealation on mother hood and what it's suppose to be like me and a very cool lady named jen are starting our own kid free mommy website where we can talk guilt free about cosmo's, how much being a mom can suck sometimes, sex, or sometimes crappy husbands, and the works. these websites never talk about the downfalls of having children....don't get me wrong, i love my son, i love everything about him, although sometimes i wish he was a puppy....it's just there is this sterotype placed upon women with children, and other women who have children and who look put together but are on the verge on a mental meltdown judge other women who aren't as put together, and it's just a viscious cycle.

being a mother is hard work, it is a job in the biggest sense of the word, you are completly and utterly responsible for raising a well brought up, normally functioning human being, and if they turn into a rapist, or a murder, or the works....it's all your fault. it's a big burden to bear. i think so far i've done a good job, myson is healthy and growing well....he's smart for his age, and learning things faster then other children....i devote a large amount of time and affection to him, but my life is more then being just a mother....

dr phil said it best when he asked a woman who had given up her dreams to devote her life to her children if she was prepared to tell her children how to give up their dreams, because all they had tolook forward to was being a mother, and after that their lives meant nothing more.

anyway i'm babbling...

in other news, business is going well http://www.babystepsscrapbooking.com/

and amazon.com only has 2 copies left of my book confessions of a guinea pig...whatever the hell that means....

plus my jewish phych says i should expect a sudden rush of chutzpah in the month of september(my birth month) so that's good....

and for my fashion fix of the day....i'm in love with christian louboutin's peicw peep-toe-heels, very awsome, very bright very me....(this picture isn't in the color i want)

alternatively if you don't have 1300 to dropon a pair of shoes you can always get these from target for 25

deja vu much?

anyway just remember if you get a bright colored anything always pick quality over price, because these are pieces you can use over and over again and they look cheap if you buy them cheap.

enough for now, it's 531

<3

m.s.

sweaty apartment. hot body.

it's not as horrendous as it was yesterday. yesterday all inanimate objects in my house were sweating profusely from the humidity. i would turn on the air, but i don't have central cooling and heating, and the best my huge yet completly worthless window unit can do is cool down the livingroom to the point of freezing, and quickly heat up as soon as i turn it off. which to me, it just seems like a viscious cycle to get up, get down, get up get down over and over again. you walk to the dinning room and it's like walking into a brick wall of heat. i don't particuraly care. as long as the baby is nice and cool with his own personal fan i can deal....besides it's only a few months till we get out of this shit apartment with all it's trashy ass people and get started with the next chapter of our lives. plus, another paranoid part of me is afraid of a high electricity bill we can't pay...we are already behind on one carnote and the cell, not our fault, but none the less, the economy is falling and we are paying in the process.
it makes me laugh when i hear bush supporters say the economy is great and blah blah blah...so why is it my husband works outside of michigan as a truck driver and cannot bring the paychecks we need? why is it other trucking companies are asking his company for loads because they barely have enough to keep their company afloat.
here's my theory.....bare with me now....
truck drivers deliver goods....companies buy the goods for truck drivers to deliver....if the companies don't have the money to buy goods then the truck drivers don't drive and don't make any money, which thus proves my point that we're going to hell in a handbasket.
if there are a total of 12 trucks sitting in the same state because the company has no loads to give me them for more then 12 hours....there is deffinitly something wrong. this should be a good time for truck drivers, it's the summer, and closing on fall, which is the time most companies begin to get their winter products in, but our checks have been less then noteable.
in other news, john won't be home this weekend, which isn't really surprising, i've gotten use to seeing him maybe 2-3 times a month. it's like being a single mom, except i don't have a "traditional" job, and i get paid for it..
well, i'm off to make cookies for this stupid picnic tomorrow. i shouldn't do shit, but it may be the only time i eat all day (i'm not very good at the whole making food when i'm hungry thing yet)
ttfn
m.s.
ps
somone send me a cosmo