i didn't fall off the face of the earth

i know it seems as if i haven't written in a while, which is true, but to explain myself, i have been on the road with john for a week, and on top of that i have been one busy little bee....

i should be sleeping as of now, i have an early day ahead of me, mof it starts in a few hours but i figured i would write before i conked out.

my week with john was nice. it was odd spending time with my husband like normal people get to do, but overall i think it was worth it and we got to bond (which is code for have lotts of sex without child interuption).

so my 21st (with one year experience) birthday is coming up and i'm less then thrilled. possibly my standards are impossibly high, or i'm just unable to become fulfilled with whatever accomplishments i create (god i'm more like my father then i know) but i'm dissapointed that i've gotten this far without doing something incredibly stupid to get myself killed and have nothing to show for it....

ok ok...i am only 22 and i own my own business, yes, i know, and i have published my own book...and i have a husband and a gorgeous son and blah blah blah, but i figured by now i'd ATLEAST have a pulitzers or peace prize under my belt...and i do i? nope (ha, ha)

well....i guess that just means i'll have to work harder....

everyone keeps asking what i want and they are being rather sneeky to my annoyance since i'm not really adapted to the whole, surprise thing...john has been saving money to get me a present, but he's clueless, so he told me. my mother, i don't know what the woman is up to, and now my cusion tells me she's coming up for labor day, which is odd, when they have had many opportunity, yet haven't, and now all of a sudden they are visting. my mother is up to something as well, i just can't quite put my finger on it. i hope it isn't a suprise party....or a surprise period... when i was younger i would build myself up only to be let down.

besides, i don't need anything...all that doting and excessive attention and cooing makes me feel weird....

i've wanted the same thing every year since i was 16.... a bottle of (red) aleze, chinese food (shrimp and brocolli), and peace and quite for atleast an hour...

i don't think that's much to ask for, but i never get it lol. (i got a 6000 dollar sweet 16 instead, attention? yea, can you say claustraphobia??) anyway, here's a wedding invitation sample i made to let you know i'm still actually working, i have a few layouts, but i'm lazy and can't find the camera cord. so enjoy <3>

i like this, simple, yet sophisticated, printer is on the fritz, so now wording samples....

www.babystepsscrapbooking.com

STOP FEMICIDE!!!

full article
REPOST PLEASE
TENS OF THOUSANDS of women are raped EVERY YEAR in the democratic republic of the Congo. rape is used as a tool of war.it is disgusting and should be stopped!the female race in congo is litteraly in jeopardy of extinction...i have been raped before and i know what it feels like, but i don't know what it feels like to get raped in front of my child, my husband, my neighbors...to be raped with tools and guns...to have a gun go off inside of me destroying me beyond belief..hundreds of thousands of women have been raped since 1996,children as young as 6, women as old as 80, no woman or child is safe.. but there is something we can do about it.*write a letter addressed to his excellency, the president of the democratic repulic of the congo, joseph kaila kabange; demand that he take action to stop the attacks on woman! send it to the u.n. action against sexual violence in conflict, p.o. box 3862, new york ny10163 and it will be delivered to kabilaor you can*donate directly to panzi hospital through vday.org(money donated to the panzi also goes to establish a "city of joy", a safe haven for those have healed, where they will learn to become political leaders)thank youDanni

my god...

it's extremly hot
i'm out of cigs
i can't sleep
life can get no better

my condolences to the wright family

my condolences to the wright family
my friend carrie wright who is a great woman and an even better friend lost her father yesterday. i know this is very hard on her family to lose a person that is very close to her heart and a good man. please pray for her family in their time of need.

To find the proper words is so difficult and at a time like this words seem so inadequate, so incomplete.
But I am reminded again that what we need at a time like this is revelation, not just words.
We need something that speaks of certainties, not just hopes.
We need something that speaks with authority.
We need something that provides true comfort and gives something and someone to believe in—to trust as we go on from here.
We need more than sincere expressions of sympathy and concern (as wonderful as they are) in a time of sorrow and death

Psalm 23:1-6
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. (KJV)2
Corinthians 4:16-15:8
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.amenlove you carrie

so i'm back, surprisingly....

mind you it's 439 am and my son is "whining" for his crib, he's been up for a good hour or so now is changed, feed, and has been held for half an hour, and the way things work in my house.... this is suppose to be mommy time. mommy also hasn't gotten laid in two weeks so mommy is sucking on cigs like they're her best friend.

i tried that whole self soothing crap for a little while and i'm convinced that those same marsha brady mommies who gently patted their backs, and tiptoed out of the room to a screaming son also starred in valley of the dolls.

in other news, because i'm absolutely sick of places like cafemom.com and other websites who totally emcompass what i hate about america's idealation on mother hood and what it's suppose to be like me and a very cool lady named jen are starting our own kid free mommy website where we can talk guilt free about cosmo's, how much being a mom can suck sometimes, sex, or sometimes crappy husbands, and the works. these websites never talk about the downfalls of having children....don't get me wrong, i love my son, i love everything about him, although sometimes i wish he was a puppy....it's just there is this sterotype placed upon women with children, and other women who have children and who look put together but are on the verge on a mental meltdown judge other women who aren't as put together, and it's just a viscious cycle.

being a mother is hard work, it is a job in the biggest sense of the word, you are completly and utterly responsible for raising a well brought up, normally functioning human being, and if they turn into a rapist, or a murder, or the works....it's all your fault. it's a big burden to bear. i think so far i've done a good job, myson is healthy and growing well....he's smart for his age, and learning things faster then other children....i devote a large amount of time and affection to him, but my life is more then being just a mother....

dr phil said it best when he asked a woman who had given up her dreams to devote her life to her children if she was prepared to tell her children how to give up their dreams, because all they had tolook forward to was being a mother, and after that their lives meant nothing more.

anyway i'm babbling...

in other news, business is going well http://www.babystepsscrapbooking.com/

and amazon.com only has 2 copies left of my book confessions of a guinea pig...whatever the hell that means....

plus my jewish phych says i should expect a sudden rush of chutzpah in the month of september(my birth month) so that's good....

and for my fashion fix of the day....i'm in love with christian louboutin's peicw peep-toe-heels, very awsome, very bright very me....(this picture isn't in the color i want)

alternatively if you don't have 1300 to dropon a pair of shoes you can always get these from target for 25

deja vu much?

anyway just remember if you get a bright colored anything always pick quality over price, because these are pieces you can use over and over again and they look cheap if you buy them cheap.

enough for now, it's 531

<3

m.s.

sweaty apartment. hot body.

it's not as horrendous as it was yesterday. yesterday all inanimate objects in my house were sweating profusely from the humidity. i would turn on the air, but i don't have central cooling and heating, and the best my huge yet completly worthless window unit can do is cool down the livingroom to the point of freezing, and quickly heat up as soon as i turn it off. which to me, it just seems like a viscious cycle to get up, get down, get up get down over and over again. you walk to the dinning room and it's like walking into a brick wall of heat. i don't particuraly care. as long as the baby is nice and cool with his own personal fan i can deal....besides it's only a few months till we get out of this shit apartment with all it's trashy ass people and get started with the next chapter of our lives. plus, another paranoid part of me is afraid of a high electricity bill we can't pay...we are already behind on one carnote and the cell, not our fault, but none the less, the economy is falling and we are paying in the process.
it makes me laugh when i hear bush supporters say the economy is great and blah blah blah...so why is it my husband works outside of michigan as a truck driver and cannot bring the paychecks we need? why is it other trucking companies are asking his company for loads because they barely have enough to keep their company afloat.
here's my theory.....bare with me now....
truck drivers deliver goods....companies buy the goods for truck drivers to deliver....if the companies don't have the money to buy goods then the truck drivers don't drive and don't make any money, which thus proves my point that we're going to hell in a handbasket.
if there are a total of 12 trucks sitting in the same state because the company has no loads to give me them for more then 12 hours....there is deffinitly something wrong. this should be a good time for truck drivers, it's the summer, and closing on fall, which is the time most companies begin to get their winter products in, but our checks have been less then noteable.
in other news, john won't be home this weekend, which isn't really surprising, i've gotten use to seeing him maybe 2-3 times a month. it's like being a single mom, except i don't have a "traditional" job, and i get paid for it..
well, i'm off to make cookies for this stupid picnic tomorrow. i shouldn't do shit, but it may be the only time i eat all day (i'm not very good at the whole making food when i'm hungry thing yet)
ttfn
m.s.
ps
somone send me a cosmo