मय

this entire week he's been acting odd, sleeping without a fight, sleeping excessively, being a little too whiny, crying for no apparent reason.
so today i feel him after a particularly long cry, and he feels a bit warm. so i take his temperature and it's 99.9, i wait about half an hour later or so, and take his temperature again. I look at it, shake my head, "that's gotta be wrong", i take it again, yup 102.6
i get the shakes, and two minutes later my mother is over saying, don't panic it's OK, we'll just take him to the emergency room. MY BABY, my sweet little (sometimes a big pain in the ass) gorgeous baby is sick! of course i start thinking about what i did wrong, what i didn't do, as my mother walks over to the bathroom, tips him a little bit over the sink, and lets him vomit like the exorcist incarnate. twice mind you. how she knew, i'll never know.
so after throwing on some decent clothing, putting my hair in a horrible rushed bun (and a hat for good measure) we're out the door.
off topic, but i hate hospitals, always have always will and i avoid them at all possible cost.
we sign in, not even a minute later we're called in, and he's acting normal and curious and completely fine. one throat culture, nose swab, chest x-ray, and blood test later we find out he has a pneumonia in his right lung....

thankfully it didn't spread to both, but that put me in a low mood. i know, i know, sickness is unavoidable in children, they are bound to get sick eventually, but that doesn't mean i can't feel shitty about it. anyway. by this time he hates me, and after he gives me the dirtiest look i've ever seen and refuses to go with me, my heartbroke 100x more then any man has ever done. so i sat quietly, and held him down quietly (again) when the nurse came in with his antibiotic shot...which honestly i was a little grateful for. it hurt him pretty bad, so mommy was just what the Dr ordered after a minute or two. i gave him his pacifier, sang a sesame street song out of tune, and he fell asleep in my arms.

he has to be on antibiotics for a while, but he's fine and everything is going to be ok. we were suppose to go see his orthopedic Dr for his club foot tomorrow, but i don't want to take him out in the cold, and i want to follow up with his pediatrician anyway.

i think what made the situation even more shitty was the fact that i was just irritable today. i woke up feeling crappy myself and was about as cranky as him.
i know i was sharp with him, and i know i didn't know, but still it's kinda like getting into an argument with someone then finding out they died the next hour or something. ok, so it's not that extreme but you get my point.
it's been one hell of a day...didn't get any of my work done, spent all day in the hospital, and i still feel like shit. god please make this week go by faster!!!! i need john home so i can at least rest for a few hours, or i can at least have someone help me wash a dish or two. i can't wait till he's home every night, and not 6days a month